Kick-Ass 2

I love the dichotomy of the hit-them-with-sticks heroes in spandex and the blood-and-guts of Hit Girl.  It's like they don't belong in the same film, yet here they are, playing out in unison.  Where is the next sequel?

Kick-Ass 2
2013, 103 minutes, directed by Jeff Wadlow

The Editor

Giallo, according to Wikipedia, is an Italian film genre from the 1970s featuring a crime/mystery, eroticism, and elements of horror.  The Editor, a modern tribute to the genre, covers all of that with a healthy layer of melted cheese.

Rey Ciso is a famous film editor past his prime, hampered by the loss of his fingers on his right hand, forcing him to use wooden prothsetics.  His job to cut and edit the latest giallo film from the only studio to accept him is hampered by a series of deaths in the cast and crew, all with their fingers removed just like him.  Rey must help solve the case while staying a step ahead of the police and reediting the film to feature the surviving cast.

Set in the 1970s complete and dripping with mustaches and cleavage, bad out-of-sync dialog and gore, this film surely tickles the right nerves of lovers of this genre.  For the rest of us, it's a good laugh.

The Editor

2014, 102 minutes, directed by Adam Brooks

Housebound

This film was billed as a midnighter, a suspense horror.  Kylie is sentenced to eight months home detention, back at her mother's home.  And while Kylie is all grown up now, her mom and her younger self feared the man in sheets, the boogie man lurking in the basement or creaking in the walls.

This is where I thought it would devolve into abject terror.  Instead, it turns out her parole officer is a part-time paranormal investigator, Kylie ain't afraid of no ghosts, and comedy will rise to balance the fright.  And it all works.  The film is really pretty good.

Housebound

2014, 107 minutes, directed by Gerard Johnstone

From the Dark

Mark is a stupid person, a know-it-all jerk who swings from brazen misguided confidence to quivering slug in the face of danger.  Sarah is a little less stupid - she has a survival instinct - but has no ability to manage her one asset, the light that scares keeps the creatures at bay.  Come on, keep more than one torch, and use the matches to light something that will burn longer than the matchstick - the house, for example.  And just because its lights were knocked out, that doesn't mean the idling tractor with your lantern isn't a better escape route than stumbling through the moors.

I thought we were past heroes who make stupid decisions to advance the script.  Apparently not.

From the Dark

2014, 90 minutes, directed by Conor McMahon

Everly

Salma Hayek.  Mother.

Everly

2014, 92 minutes, directed by Joe Lynch

Wyrmwood

The result of a four-year, self-funded shoot, Wyrmwood looks and feels like a classic ozploitation film, complete with badass zombies, a colorful cast, government baddies, and a kick-ass brother-sister duo in Barry and Brooke.  Both immune to the Zombie Infestation, the siblings take wildly different paths to find each other, acquiring friends and special skills on the way.

I can't wait for the sequel.

Wyrmwood

2014, 92 minutes, directed by Kiah Roache-Turner

John Wick

Alfie Allen can't catch a break.  His character Iosef just wants to jack this guys car; killing the dog is for spite.  Oh, what a poor choice that was, Iosef.

While more comedic, the brutality harkens back to The Raid, in lots of good ways.

John Wick

2014, 136 minutes, directed by Chad Stehelski

Død Snø 2 (Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead)

The Nazis have risen from the dead, killed your friends, taken your girl, taken your arm, and left you blamed for their crimes.  To make matter worse, the local doctors have sewn a zombie arm onto your stump, and it keeps killing people.

Who can you turn to when the Nazis advance on town?  Your Allies, of course - an American Zombie Squad and your own horde of undead Soviet soldiers.  It's time to kick some Nazi zombie ass.

Død Snø 2 (Dead Snow 2: Red vs. Dead)
2014, 100 minutes, directed by Tommy Wirkola

They filmed the Norwegian-language scenes twice, so the North American release will be in English.  Fantastic Fest showed the subtitled international release.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

I'd heard this was surprisingly good.  I see now that this must be placed in context with how awful it was expected to be.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter
2012, 105 minutes, directed by Timur Bekmambetor

District 9

I'm impressed that a South Africa production was so eloquently able to disguise apartheid critique under a thick gory blanket of sci fi, the way it's meant to be done.  Plus Wikus Van De Merwe is such an awesome action hero, it's hard to not root for him as both a speciesist mid-level manager and a blood-thirsty killing machine.

For more commentary see my original review from 2009.

District 9
2009, 112 minutes, directed by Neill Blomkamp

The Expendables 2

I was going to say something like, "This film would be okay if they'd just stick to the action scenes and stay away from the sappy dialog and contrived cameos."

But then I watched the closing fight, between Sylvester Stallone and Jean-Claude Van Damme.  It may be the worst choreographed man-on-man fight to the death I've ever watched.  Wow.  Even the awful denouement with more Chuck Norris, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't match the terribadness of that fight.

The Expendables 2
2012, 103 minutes, directed by Simon West

Rise of the Zombies

I really thought this made-for-tv zombie film was going somewhere.  There were lots of scientists, making real progress learning about the disease, and maybe they'd even explore bringing the zombies back from the dead.  Maybe they were even aiming for some sort of God-motive for retribution and salvation.

But no, they just wanted to kill off all those scientists, and leave the few survivors in limbo as the story ends with limited solutions to the apocalypse.  This wasn't worth staying awake to see the end.

Rise of the Zombies
2012, 89 minutes, directed by Nick Lyon

I missed the start of the film.  Maybe it was awesome.  What I saw was Danny Trejo, on the cover the DVD, die less than a minute after I turned this on.  I guess they couldn't afford him after that.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

The anachronisms in this film are astounding.  They'd be okay if the plot wasn't trite, the characters shallow, or the dialog horrid.  Hansel and Gretel, having survived the witch house in their youth, grow up to the witch hunters for hire.  They're brought in to a small country town with a growing witch presence, where something terrible is on its way.  Only they have the guns and technologically advanced rapid-shot crossbows to stop it.

I'm struggling to say anything nice about the film.  Watching it via Netflix on my iPad while jogging at the gym was better than watching a basketball game on ESPN.  I guess it has that.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
2013, 88 minutes, directed by Tommy Wirkola

Alien Raiders

I almost saw the world premiere of this low-budget sci-fi action film back in 2008.  When I grabbed it off Showtime this summer, I had no recollection of seeing it before, but the first few scenes brought back memories.  I wish there were more films made like this - low budget, decent story, English, enough sci fi to make the action/horror stuff worthwhile.  It's a fun, if still predictable, ride.

Alien Raiders
2008, 85 minutes, directed by Ben Rock

Blue Ruin

Revenge can be sweet.  Revenge can be cold.  Revenge can be tasty.  In the case of Blue Ruin, revenge is senseless.  Dwight is a ruined man, devastated by violence against his family, wasting away his life as a drifter.  When the killer is released from prison, Dwight embarks on a homecoming of sorts for revenge.  Things immediately go awry when he neglects to consider that even the killer, too, has a family...

This film exemplarizes the pointlessness of revenge.  I appreciated it.

Blue Ruin
2013, 92 minutes, directed by Jeremy Saulnier

The Green Inferno

I wouldn't see a cannibal horror survival film voluntarily.  No, this was of course a classical Fantastic Fest AICN secret screening.  Activist college students travel to South America to stop the destruction of native tribes, not realizing exactly what it is they were protecting.  It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be; it was clearly made for its R rating, which means that while parts were suitably disgusting, other parts of it were kind of watered down and lame.  Still, I have no interest in ever seeing it or anything else by Eli Roth ever again.

The Green Inferno
2013, 103 minutes, directed by Eli Roth

The tribe where they filmed is in Chile, and are peaceful farmers.  They'd never seen an ice cube before and didn't understand the concept of video; Eli brought in a television and a projector and showed them Cannibal Horror, which they thought was a comedy.  It might seem like exploitation, but while they were filming a particularly gruesome scene, with heads on spikes and body bits on display, a few boats of Texas Christian missionaries sailed up and were shocked with horror.  Having Eli Roth convert the natives first almost makes it worth it.  (As payment for their acting and use of their village to film, they also built metal roofs on all the huts, replacing the leaky thatch roofs the tribe had before.)

Cheap Thrills

What series of increasingly disgusting and debasing things will two desperate people do for money?  And that's not the worst of it.  It's the concept of rich people doing this sort of thing for fun.  I really haven't been this angry with a film in a long time; what a way to ruin an otherwise good day.  This is why I don't join the Alamo Alliance; they buy bad films.

Cheap Thrills
2013, 85 minutes, directed by E.L. Katz

Afflicted

Derek and Cliff set out on a year trip around the world, the fulfillment of a long-time dream and a chance for Derek to push aside his life-threatening medical problems.  They have everything set up to document and share their adventures with the internet and the world.  Things quickly go awry when Derek contracts a strange illness, but the filming continues, as he becomes more and more afflicted...

Holy hell, this was the first FF film that has truly come from nowhere and smacked me with awesome.  Shot on a very low budget on Canon 5Ds, with the writers and directors as the principle cast, they showed what an excellent result young talent can achieve with a story and a vision.

Afflicted
2013, 85 minutes, directed by Derek Lee and Cliff Prowse

Smokin' Aces

For a brief while back in 2006-07, I purchased my way to a friendship with the Leagues of Alamo Drafthouse fame.  They wanted to save their downtown theater, but their original ten-year lease was ending, the warehouse district had exploded in popularity, and the only way they could afford to stay was to become a non-profit.  They founded the Heroes of the Alamo Foundation, dedicated to preserving vintage and genre film presentation in downtown Austin - in other words, to keep the Original Alamo open.  My wife and I joined as our first big philanthropic donation.

It was a good year.  Part of our membership included free access to all Alamo Downtown events.  Despite living out in the suburbs at the time, we made great use of this perk, attending many events, hanging out with the owners and staff, and, for me, for the first time feeling part of the Austin vibe.  And when Butt-Numb-A-Thon came around, Tim held a few seats for us members and got me in, despite having never heard of the event or Ain't It Cool News.

This was the year of Octobuttnumbathon, and I was not prepared.  I do not like missing part of a film, even credits, and when Harry played a scratchy 1930s Irish gangster film in the middle of the night, or the 1980s Hanna Barbara animated adult film, I was awake through all of it.  Oh, what a fool I was.  For by the next morning, approaching the 24 hour mark of film, I lacked a changed of clothes or deodorant, and was jittery from caffeine pills.  I called my wife to pick me up, and when she arrived I had to bail.  Not only did I miss the final film in its entirety - an early screening of 300, but I left with 25 minutes to go on the previous film, Smokin' Aces.  So that gets around to the movie.

I like Guy Ritchie films.  Big ensemble British gangster just works.   Joe Carnahan apparently likes them as well, since he copied them to make this.  Except for him, gangster films are set in the Nevada, and feature a wild and improbably ensemble of characters that would otherwise never make it through the front door of any respectable establishment.  Classy, they aren't.  When Buddy "Aces" Israel decides to turn mob informer, mob boss Primo Sparazza puts a hit out on him.  As word spreads, several teams converge on Lake Tahoe to protect him, arrest him, or cut out his heart.  Violence ensues.

Clearly seeing the ending of the film was high on my list, since I managed to wait six and a half years to rent it.  Well, anyway, now I have, and I don't have to watch it again.

When the Leagues made the deal to get the Ritz location, the days of the Heroes Foundation were numbers.  We were able to attend the Last Night at the Alamo, and I took home my favorite chairs, but our year membership expired before the Ritz opened, and with it went our "in" with the clique.  Since then, neither the owners nor staff have acknowledged that they ever even knew who I was.

Smokin' Aces
2006, 107 minutes, directed by Joe Carnahan

You're Next

I missed this at Fantastic Fest a few years ago - it showed once and then disappeared from the schedule, one of the legendary screenings that got away.  Now it's back in all its glory.  A family gathers for reasons both complicated and unknown, while masked terror lurks.  When the horrors unleash, a family guest reveals her true nature.  It's pretty damn awesome.

You're Next
2011, 95 minutes, directed by Adam Wingard