Safe

I like Jason Statham movies.  Or, rather, I liked Jason Statham in a movie, when he wasn't in every one of them.  The enjoyment of his performance on screen was lessened when he was packaged into one of this generation's few action heroes.  (The generation gap between him and the rest of the Expendables cast always throws me.)  Still, films like Safe satisfy a need for mindless action.

Mei, a young math prodigy with a perfect memory, is brought to the U.S. to manage the numbers for a Chinese crime syndicate.  Meanwhile, Luke (Jason Statham) finds his wife murdered by the Russian mafia when he fails to throw a fight.  Rather than kill him, too, the Russians promise to kill anyone he approaches or talks to, leaving him a homeless outcast.  Just when he's had enough, Mei steps into his life.  The Russians tried to grab her, to get a code from her head, and now they, the Chinese, and the dirty cops Luke used to work with all want to get her back.  With nothing left to lose but her, he does everything he can to keep her safe.

Safe
2012, 94 minutes, directed by Boaz Yakin

The Expendables 2

I was going to say something like, "This film would be okay if they'd just stick to the action scenes and stay away from the sappy dialog and contrived cameos."

But then I watched the closing fight, between Sylvester Stallone and Jean-Claude Van Damme.  It may be the worst choreographed man-on-man fight to the death I've ever watched.  Wow.  Even the awful denouement with more Chuck Norris, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't match the terribadness of that fight.

The Expendables 2
2012, 103 minutes, directed by Simon West

A Good Day to Die Hard

I heard bad things about this film.  Most of them were true.  Rehashed catchphrases fill 75% of the dialog.  The bad guys are stupid.  And no one that age would survive that much abuse and keep moving, ruining any suspension of disbelief.  And, worst of all, this McClane has no respect for civilians; this one would have blown the roof.  Disappointing.

A Good Day to Die Hard
2013, 98 minutes, directed by John Moore

Resident Evil: Retribution

OMG there's so much explanation to establish backstory and bring in the characters.  Alice used to be a genetically-engineered killing machine, one of Umbrella corporation's tools to combat the T-virus infestation that has destroyed the world.  Or maybe she was just another experiment as they perfected the virus, the world be damned anyway.  But then she lost her powers and was just a woman who can do mid-air somersaults while shooting weapons in both hands.

She's met a lot of people along the way, many of which she's cared for, a subset of which make appearances in this film (though some as clones, not the original people, which is a convenient way to bring back a few who died).   In this film, she'll meet a few more, deal with some former friends turned enemies, and dutifully advance the plot along to the next sequel.  It was very perfunctory, and in that, not interesting.  My only other notes on the film are:

• Undead Russians can't shoot, even at point blank range
• Stargrazing as an awesome name for a craft services company

And with that, I guess I'll wait for the next sequel to be churned out sometime in 2014.

Resident Evil: Retribution
2012, 95 minutes, directed by Paul W. S. Anderson

X-Men: First Class

Why?  The plot is disjointed and contrived.  I would have so much preferred more effort put into the third film of the original trilogy to make it not suck so much than spend any money on this at all.

Wait, is this supposed to be a reboot?  I can't tell.  That's a large part of the problem.  Set in the 1960s, this film shows events long before those of the trilogy, in a way compatible with (hello Hugh Jackman) the Wolverine origin film.  Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon) is a former Nazi scientist bent on world destruction to reform it for the mutant race.  Erik Lehnsherr totally agrees with all of that except Shaw happened to have killed his mother, so Erik teams up with Charles Xavier and his new mutant understudies to take on Shaw and the simultaneous American and Soviet navies.  If they'd made it clear this was a reboot, I might have taken it differently.

X-Men: First Class
2011, 132 minutes, directed by Matthew Vaughn

Salt

This film was reasonably enjoyable, except for the fact that it was clearly designed to set up a series of sequels.  Angelina Jolie as an action star works well, especially since the action never pauses long enough to consider how she just kicked all those asses.

Salt
2010, 100 minutes, directed by Phillip Noyce

Buratino, Son of Pinocchio

"Whether you're made of wood or plastic, when love is in the air you make it for sure."

This kooky musical narrative of growing up on the wrong side of town is a modern whimsical fairy tale crafted as an Estonian/Russian co-production. It's light and buoyant in a fanciful world even when confronted with the grime and poverty of Badville.

Buratino, Son of Pinocchio
2009, 76 minutes, directed by Rasmus Merivoo

Первый отряд (First Squad)

The blend of survivor interviews, historian and "psychoanalyst" commentary, and kickass Japanese animation make this Russian adventure a dynamic success.

Первый отряд (First Squad)
2009, 73 minutes, directed by Yoshiharu Ashino

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I didn't intend it this way, but watching the Temple of Doom last week really helped psych me up to see this. It's been out a few weeks, but my wife actually wanted to go see it, and it's worth the wait to get to see a movie with her.

Since I had my realizations about the scripting in Temple, I had this one all figured out from the start. Who cares about continuity errors? Who cares how improbable the events seem? It's all about the adventure, the thrill of the hunt, the glory of knowing It's Out There. I'm sucked in. The commie accusations against Indiana genuinely make me angry. It's fantastic.

I think the thing I liked least was the obvious overtones of next-generation sequels, something the Last Crusade avoided in its concise wrap. Sure, I loved to see another Indiana Jones movie, but come on, George, we don't want you to milk this one 'til it's raw, too.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
2008, 124 minutes, directed by Steven Spielberg

Sword Bearer

What happens if you give an ordinary person extraordinary power? In post-industrial Russia, it's not pretty. Super power fantasy films have been moving more and more towards dark and gritty, in contrast to the magical journey themes of the 1970s and 80s. Sword Bearer dispenses of any sense of the epic, and instead concentrates on the destruction such an ability could cause if not controlled or understood. The story is very well told, acted, and filmed, but the brief moments of absolute beauty are surrounded by overwhelming darkness and despair.

Sword Bearer
2006, 110 minutes, directed by Filipp Yankovsky