Wastelander Panda

Why -hasn't- a live-action post-apocalypse Australian wasteland survival story starred mutant pandas before?

Be warned: it's not a comedy.  But it's spectacular.  Available as a web series later this week.

Wastelander Panda

2014, 71 minutes, directed by Victoria Cocks

The Wolverine

I've mostly taken a break from film this summer.  While some released have piqued my interest, there have been more important things to do with my time, or I haven't felt like going out.  Last night, though, I was free, and so I continued a series I've been following from the start.

The Wolverine is the latest film in the X-Men movie franchise, which has previously consisted of X-Men (heavily featuring Wolverine), X2 (half a Wolverine origin story), X-Men: The Last Stand (a horrible film focused on Wolverine and Phoenix), X-Men Origins: Wolverine (which burns 150 years of origins in an opening montage, then focuses on events a few years before the first film), and X-Men First Class (which only features a Wolverine cameo).

Okay, the Wolverine story is good.  But really?  This time, events take place after those of The Last Stand.  Logan has isolated himself as a virtual hermit in Alaska, promising himself (and his haunting memories of Jean Grey) to not hurt anyone ever again.  But when some stupid hunters kill a bear, he gets angry and goes into town to pick a fight.   He's stopped from killing them by Yukio, a mutant who can see their imminent death and who was tasked to find Logan.  She takes him to Japan, where he visits Yashida, the CEO of the largest corporation in Asia.  From a flashback, we learn that Yashida and Logan survived the destruction of Nagasaki, with Logan shielding the Japanese officer in a well.

Yashida is dying and says he can repay Logan for the gift of life so many years before: Yashida can transfer Logan's regeneration to himself, saving his life, and allowing Logan the relief of aging and eventual death.  Logan rejects the offer, and Yashida dies that night.  So begins a story of Japanese family drama and political intrigue, as Logan, mysteriously without his regeneration power, decides to risk everything to save Mariko, Yashida's granddaughter, whom the yakuza for some reason want to capture.

Other than him being a nice guy, or wanting some of her (which he gets), this sudden dedication never gets explained.  Indeed, the plot is driven and made "interesting" by several convoluted plot twists, unexplained motivations, and sudden allegiance shifts.  In the end Logan survives of course, though his claws are now their original bone (having been cut off, only the bone regrew).  He gives Mariko one last kiss, then departs with Yukio.  During the closing credits, there's a scene set two years later in which Logan meets Magneto and - back from the dead - Professor Xavier, who explain that there's a serious threat and he's needed again.

I can live with the plots of bridge films.  I know what they're for.  But in this case the plot is just bad, as is, sadly, some of the acting.  Plus, while the movie may have been filmed in 2D, the computer effects and camera shots were made for 3D, and some of the cinematography was therefore "wonky" on a 2D screen.  Overall, there was little to like about the story.

The Wolverine
 2013, 126 minutes, directed by James Mangold

X-Men: First Class

Why?  The plot is disjointed and contrived.  I would have so much preferred more effort put into the third film of the original trilogy to make it not suck so much than spend any money on this at all.

Wait, is this supposed to be a reboot?  I can't tell.  That's a large part of the problem.  Set in the 1960s, this film shows events long before those of the trilogy, in a way compatible with (hello Hugh Jackman) the Wolverine origin film.  Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon) is a former Nazi scientist bent on world destruction to reform it for the mutant race.  Erik Lehnsherr totally agrees with all of that except Shaw happened to have killed his mother, so Erik teams up with Charles Xavier and his new mutant understudies to take on Shaw and the simultaneous American and Soviet navies.  If they'd made it clear this was a reboot, I might have taken it differently.

X-Men: First Class
2011, 132 minutes, directed by Matthew Vaughn

The Avengers

First thoughts: There are a lot of ingredients in this pot.

Second thoughts: I was wondering when the not-so-super heroes would be relegated to civilian duty while the fly-through-the-air jumping-on-buildings super heroes would save the day.  Oh, yes, here it is.  Well at least they kept it as part of the action, as an important part of the mission.

Ending thoughts: I don't think this film - aka Iron Man III and friends - was the best film I've seen this year.  Oh well.  It's made enough money that there will be another film.

Final thoughts: Stay until the end of the credits for a bonus scene.

The Avengers
2012, 143 minutes, directed by Joss Whedon

The Cabin in the Woods

Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon don't want anyone to talk about this film.  It's hard not too because it was fucking awesome.  You think you have it figured out?  Oh no you don't; check out this.

What happens when five young college students set off for a weekend alone in the woods?  Mayhem of course.  If you would ever watch a horror comedy, make sure you watch this one.

"This came from a place of love.  Joss and I just love horror movies." - director Drew Goddard at the world premiere Q&A on opening night of SXSW 2012.

The Cabin in the Woods
2012, 105 minutes, directed by Drew Goddard




"No, no, no.  It's not an angry raping tree.  It's an angry molesting tree." - Drew

Little Deaths

I don't usually review short stories.  If I went down that path, what's next?  A pointless micro-blog review of each TV show and YouTube click I watch?  So you won't find mention of short-film collections on here, like the Futurestates series I quite surprisingly enjoyed at last year's SX (and will be seeing the second season premiere of tomorrow).

Little Deaths, though, was conceived and executed as a single "anthology" film.  And I stayed up pretty late for it so I feel like I need to get something out of the effort, like a blog post.  Because - and let me be very honest - I didn't get much out of the film.

The three tales interweave the themes of sex and death.  If you want to read promo blurbs, go find the official film site.  All I can add is that "House & Home", the most satisfying of the three, goes off the crazy end.  "Mutant Tool" starts in crazy and keeps going, and "Bitch" is, well, pretty sad.

I really hope to see something I like at SXSW this year.  Here's hoping for Saturday.

Little Deaths
2010, directed by Sean Hogan, Andrew Parkinson, and Simon Rumley

 

Tim League in a dog suit, shortly after (almost) setting himself on fire.

 The beef stroganoff chugging contest.  Mr. Faceintheglass (next to Tim) won.