From the Dark

Mark is a stupid person, a know-it-all jerk who swings from brazen misguided confidence to quivering slug in the face of danger.  Sarah is a little less stupid - she has a survival instinct - but has no ability to manage her one asset, the light that scares keeps the creatures at bay.  Come on, keep more than one torch, and use the matches to light something that will burn longer than the matchstick - the house, for example.  And just because its lights were knocked out, that doesn't mean the idling tractor with your lantern isn't a better escape route than stumbling through the moors.

I thought we were past heroes who make stupid decisions to advance the script.  Apparently not.

From the Dark

2014, 90 minutes, directed by Conor McMahon

Ninja: Shadow of a Tear

An American martial arts master / idiot gives his wallet to muggers, then beats them up anyway, neglecting to get his wallet back, leaving his address with them.  Then he doesn't think they're a big deal, not bothering to call the cops, and doesn't take care when leaving his pregnant wife home alone.  When she's murdered, he starts with the muggers and advances through a increasing sequence of murderous revenge to hunt down those responsible.

Introducing the film, the director noted that "this movie is not original and not unique.  It's a ninja movie."  Indeed, the action scenes are excellent; there are no wires and no CGI, just raw emotion; as the director says, "All logic goes away."  Unfortunately it also reflects on the stupidity of the lead character, something I just can't shake.

Ninja: Shadow of a Tear
2013, 95 minutes, directed by Isaac Florentine

The Town That Was

In Centralia, Pennsylvania, a fire burns.  In 1962, to clear up the smell before Memorial Day, a controlled burn was started in the garbage dump pit.  A few days later, when they noticed that the pit was still smoking, the townsfolk realized that the fire had ignited the anthracite coal that lines this part of eastern Pennsylvania.  It might have been easy to stop - at the time, a trench around the pit might have cut off the fire for a few thousand dollars.  Instead, it was mostly ignored - for 17 years - steam vents were added, and residents installed methane detectors - until the local gas station owner, wondering why he was losing gas - realized the tanks were being heated to 170 F in the ground.  Coupled with a sinkhole that nearly swallowed a small boy, the state and federal governments finally started taking action.

Unfortunately the most cost effective option at that time was to move the people out, and so the state started buying and demolishing homes and businesses, voluntarily at first, but eventually through eminent domain.

This documentary tells the story as of 2007, when some dozen or so residents remain "squatting" in their own homes, all now owned by the government.  It's a fascinating story of a city in decline, but the documentary is pretty much ruined by focusing on John Lokitis, the youngest remaining resident, who in his 30s lives in the family home and maintains several blocks of the former city.  He rambles on about how special the town is, and how it's such a shame to see it change, which may be true, but then he says that there's no danger and the government should return the land and people should move back, all while we can see the smoke rising from the ground behind him on camera.

The last remaining residents blame the government for lying to them, for in the 1980s promising that no one would be forced out, not once considering that the situation, the fire, and everyone in the government had since changed.  It should be all about the fire, and the town as it was, not about the man who stubbornly refuses to move on from the small town where he grew up, as it slowly burns from the fire started 21 years before he was born.

In Centralia, Pennsylvania, a fire burns.

The Town That Was
2007, 71 minutes, directed by Chris Perkel and Georgie Roland

Scary Movie 4

Don't ask.

Scary Movie 4
2006, 83 minutes, directed by David Zucker

Wrong

In this Drafthouse Films Quentin Dupieux special, Dolph Springer has to deal with: his missing dog, coworkers at the office, the clingy pizza operator, his gardener, a private detective, and the police.  And none of it makes any damn sense.  A lot of the audience was laughing at this but I found it incredibly stupid.  Why did anyone pay money to film this?  I would have rather stayed home and ironed my clothes.

Wrong
2012, 94 minutes, directed by Quentin Dupieux

I can't even tag this as a commentary.  It isn't funny unless you're high.

Fuck Up

Ignore the title; I think there are maybe two swear words in the entire film.  Instead it's another good-crook-gets-in-trouble story, perhaps the third I've seen this week (Break Out, Plan C).  Jack, Robin, Glenn, Rasmussin - four longtime friends - get in over their heads when a drug smuggling job goes awry, leaving Jack and Glenn in trouble with the local mafia.  Jack, also in the midst of family drama, is fully aware of his faults and spends most of the film trying to make things right, to the best of his ability.

It's a tight crew - the entire cast and crew have a show together - and the interactions work.  This is a very enjoyable film.

Fuck Up
2012, 95 minutes, directed by Øystein Karlsen

$2M budget per the director

Toata lumea din familia noastra (Everybody in the Family)

The description for this film said that I shouldn't know anything about it going in, and that I should stop reading right away.  My mistake was following their guidance.  Right off the bat they tell us that it was a all a trick; this isn't a genre film at all, but instead a family drama.

Marius, the father, wants to pick up his daughter for his brief custody week.  Only his ex-wife, Otilla, is a conniving schemer who wants to keep him away from his daughter.  Oh, Marius is also incredibly stupid when put into bad situations.  The only saving grace is their daughter, Sofia, who (played by five-year-old Sofia Nicolaescu) is put in the middle as her parents, her grandma, and her mother's boyfriend ratchet up the insane.  None of them should be allowed near children.

Toata lumea din familia noastra (Everybody in the Family)
2012, 107 minutes, directed by Radu Jude

Frankenweenie 3D

There's little need to run through the plot Frankenweenie.  It is what you expect it to be, a feature-length rewrite of one of Tim Burton's early shorts.  That's not why the film is awesome.  It's awesome because of the attention to detail in creating a vast 3D, claymation world, and framing that world in the confines and freedoms of black and white film.  It's awesome because of Tim Burton's macabre sense of humor and how readily it can be conveyed through puppets.  Forget your kids (seriously, don't bring them under 8 years old or so); this film packs plenty of emotional punch for adults.

Frankenweenie 3D
2012, 87 minutes, directed by Tim Burton

In the spirit of the film, the Alamo sponsored a Monster Ball for patrons and their (under 20 pounds) dogs in costume.  And as part of the multi-cast world premiere, one of the theaters allowed pets - but fortunately not my theater.

Compliance

Stupid, gullible people do uncomfortable things when told to by someone they perceive to have authority. It would be inane if it wasn't based on true events. Based on how everyone out here is talking about it, though, I think it's a cinematic success.

Compliance
2012, 90 minutes, directed by Craig Zobel

Girls Against Boys

Abused and insulted, Shae and her new friend Lu go on a sadistic rampage against every man they meet.  Quite a performance by Nicole Laliberte, but it's senselessly brutal.

Girls Against Boys
2012, 87 minutes, directed by Austin Chick

Modus Anomoli

I really got angry with the protagonist of this outdoor survival horror. Carrying around a flashlight when being hunted outdoors falls in my stupidpeople category. There's a full moon. Do you have no night vision?

In the end, though, they explain everything, albeit in a way that leaves me baffled for an hour until it clicks. If you start to watch this definitely see it through.

Modus Anomoli
2012, 87 minutes, directed by Joko Anwar

Kalevet (Rabies)

Stupid fucking people wandering around in the woods making dumb decisions that get each other killed is not what I want to see.

Kalevet (Rabies)
2011, 90 minutes, directed by Aharon Keshales and Navol Papushado

Horrible Bosses

This lighthearted murder comedy features Jason Bateman, Charlie Day, and Jason Sudeikis as Nick, Dale, and Kurt, respectively, all of which hate their bosses.  What better way could there be to solve this problem except kill them all?  But of course they can't kill their own boss; they'd be a top suspect.  So instead they decide to kill each other's bosses.  Hilarity ensues, greatly tempered by the high levels of stupidity in their decision making.  Also starring Kevin Spacey, Jennifer Aniston, and Colin Farrell as the namesake bosses.

Horrible Bosses
2011, 98 minutes, directed by Seth Gordon

The Lost World: Jurassic Park

Somewhere out there is a Fisher-Price My First Sequel workbook diligently filled out by this film's screenwriter.  I'm amazed at just how many clichés they can squeeze into a two-hour film.

So this time it's revealed that there's a second island filled with dinosaurs.  Old John Hammond, recently removed as Ingen's CEO, says this was the "breeding" or "B" island conveniently unmentioned in the first film.  (Later, though, there's some indication that this was the first attempt at a park, which likely went even more horribly wrong than the park from the first movie.)  Ever the optimist, Hammond thinks a team should be sent in to document the creatures, and Jeff Goldblum's Dr. Ian Malcolm is a perfect fit.  Oh, and Hammond has tricked him into going by sending his girlfriend, Julianne Moore's Dr. Sarah Harding, along first.  Did I mention that there's a stowaway and a secret second mission by Ingen's new CEO, Arliss Howard's Peter Ludlow?  Yeah, they brought a huge team, all of which, with the exception of the stereotypical hunter (Pete Postlethwaite's Roland Tembo), are complete idiots, hellbent on bringing the creatures back to San Diego and completely unable to take any reasonable means of precaution.

Hilarity ensues, which by hilarity I mean waiting inevitably for each and every one of them to be picked off and eaten.  Some go quick, some stay surprisingly long (and a few do walk away), but in the end it's down to Malcolm and Harding to save the city of San Diego while the entire U.S. military, coast guard, and local SWAT remain completely helpless.

While I've seen the first film several times (having, I presume, more appeal for TV networks and their viewers alike), this was the first time I'd seen the sequel.  I won't say it will be the last; next up on my Netflix queue is Jurassic Park 3, and as far as I know it's a clichéd clone again.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park
1997, 129 minutes, directed by Steven Spielberg

Extract

I'd heard so many good things about this film.  Funny, quirky, enriching.  But it's not.  The lead is gullible and stupid - barely less so than the gigolo he hires to seduce his wife - who quickly and repeatedly falls for it.  Mila Kunis might act as instigator, but her part is completely secondary.  And the ending is contrived and, frankly, disappointing.  I regret seeing this and won't do so again.

Extract
2009, 92 minutes, directed by Mike Judge

Detention

With a serial killer on the loose, prom fast approaching, and the entire cast sentenced to detention, only a time-traveling bear can save the day!  Does that sound pretty stupid?  Yes, yes it does.  This film tries to pull of some sort of teen-horror-comedy caricature, but it just falls flat.  It's filled with annoying cliches - occasionally talking to camera, complete disregard for the seriousness of a situation, random tangential fly DNA - that serve no purpose but to let me use labels like "cheesy" and "stupid people".

It tries to be irreverent and hip, but it just isn't.

Detention
2011, 98 minutes, directed by Joseph Kahn

28 Weeks Later

I really wanted to like this.  The first film was a notably different take on zombies, and I thought a sequel could further explore the premise.

Instead the writers decided to use heavy-handed oafs from the U.S. military to do stereotypical, stupid, blundering U.S. military things, while the protagonists are slowly picked off one by one.  What a waste.

28 Weeks Later
2007, 99 minutes, directed by Juan Carlos Fresnadillo

Four Lions

"Why make a comedy about terrorism?"  Well, what could enrage a terrorist more than being laughed at?  Hilarious in its stupidity, this British film somehow works.

Four Lions
2010, 101 minutes, directed by Christopher Morris

Brotherhood

This films pulls out every cliche about stupid frat boys making increasingly dumber and dumber mistakes, until it all crashes down.  Every one of them deserves to be neutered.

Brotherhood
2010, 81 minutes, directed by Will Canon

Salvage

This dark and gory film doesn't need aliens or zombies or demons to show the depths of human depravity. Some horrors could be entirely man made...

Salvage
2009, directed by Lawrence Gough