The Editor

Giallo, according to Wikipedia, is an Italian film genre from the 1970s featuring a crime/mystery, eroticism, and elements of horror.  The Editor, a modern tribute to the genre, covers all of that with a healthy layer of melted cheese.

Rey Ciso is a famous film editor past his prime, hampered by the loss of his fingers on his right hand, forcing him to use wooden prothsetics.  His job to cut and edit the latest giallo film from the only studio to accept him is hampered by a series of deaths in the cast and crew, all with their fingers removed just like him.  Rey must help solve the case while staying a step ahead of the police and reediting the film to feature the surviving cast.

Set in the 1970s complete and dripping with mustaches and cleavage, bad out-of-sync dialog and gore, this film surely tickles the right nerves of lovers of this genre.  For the rest of us, it's a good laugh.

The Editor

2014, 102 minutes, directed by Adam Brooks

The Island of Dr. Moreau

To be fair, I'm watching this film pancake style, meaning they talked over much of the dialog and skipped a bit in the middle.  However, being one of the few to see this film in its original theatrical release in 1996 thinking it would be good - as opposed to the vast majority who watch it because it is so bad - I feel qualified to pass judgement.

It's just stupid.  There's barely a film here, pasted together in edit from the corny scenes, half-baked dialog, and who-gives-fuck acting from the cast who already knew it was doomed before shooting began.

The Island of Dr. Moreau

1996, 96 minutes, directed by John Frankenheimer

Tusk

I could listen to Michael Parks tell stories of his life at sea for hours, but I think I'll pass on the tea.

This film is sad, because the sadness highlights the insanity.  Both Parks and Justin Long give solid, on target performances, just serious enough to be plausible.  Alas, the Johnny Depp character is too far over the line and breaks the immersion, unfortunate for the scenes that should be the serious break for the batshit crazy of the grotto.

Tusk

2014, 102 minutes, directed by Kevin Smith

Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons

Tang isn't a very good hero.  He's a demon hunter, sure, and he's good at finding them, but his book of children's nursery rhymes don't seem to stop them so much as turn him into a laughingstock, especially when an action-oriented demon hunter or two show up and steal the show.  Far more, then, about his inner demons, the film shows a comedic slapstick journey to become one with Buddha.  And fight the Monkey King.  It's pretty cheesy, yeah.

Journey to the West: Conquering the Demons
2013, 110 minutes, directed by Steven Chow and Chi-kin Kwok

Manborg

God damn it don't put a long short or two or FIVE and a Q&A before midnight films!


Robocop meets Army of Darkness with Tron thrown in.  It's not the best film I've seen this year, this week, or even today, but it was a film.

Manborg
2011, 60 minutes, directed by Steven John Kostanski

Yakuza Weapon

They give the impression that they want us to take the film seriously.  And that's just not going to happen.  There's far too much gutteral Japanese.  It's way too cheesy.  But then again the yakuza star has a machine gun arm and a rocket launcher leg.  And then there is an awesome 4 1/2 minute 1-take scene - due to the star breaking his neck on the second take!

Yakuza Weapon
2011, 106 minutes, directed by Tak Sakaguchi and Yudai Yamaguchi

Jurassic Park III

Oh my God this is stupidly cheesy.  Moar species, moar raptors, moar smarts.  Moar moar moar.  Any hints of unpredictability are gone; the special effects drive the plot.  Such is the sad fate of part three of many a trilogy. And heaven forbid they get funding for a fourth.

Jurassic Park III
2001, 92 minutes, directed by Joe Johnston

Green Lantern

I just don't know about this one.  It's too big and too self-absorbed, like it thinks there's nothing silly about a galactic fleet of green superheroes who have a super ring but talk about their lanterns they keep at home in the closet.  And it stars Ryan Reynolds, who simply lacks any facial expression that hints at depth of character.  I understand that the "Lanterns" operate through force of will, and that humans are special because they can act despite fear, but the constant breaks from action to talk about with his friends made it even harder to not notice how hard they tried to push against the inherent cheesiness of the story.  It just doesn't work for me.

And yes, they set us up the sequel.

Green Lantern
2011, 105 minutes, directed by Martin Campbell

The Patriot

As I would expect, had I ever cared enough to ponder, this made-for-feel-good movie hits every cliche it can.  Of course he gives all for his country in its fight for freedom.  Of course there's a former slave who earns the respect of his white brethren.  Of course his biggest nemesis is a tangential character who can be dealt with without upsetting the historical balance.

It was all there, but the substance - the meaning - was gone.

The Patriot
2000, 165 minutes, directed by Roland Emmerich

Detention

With a serial killer on the loose, prom fast approaching, and the entire cast sentenced to detention, only a time-traveling bear can save the day!  Does that sound pretty stupid?  Yes, yes it does.  This film tries to pull of some sort of teen-horror-comedy caricature, but it just falls flat.  It's filled with annoying cliches - occasionally talking to camera, complete disregard for the seriousness of a situation, random tangential fly DNA - that serve no purpose but to let me use labels like "cheesy" and "stupid people".

It tries to be irreverent and hip, but it just isn't.

Detention
2011, 98 minutes, directed by Joseph Kahn

The Hangover

While I usually limit my cheesy adult comedy exposure to SXSW, I'm alone for the weekend and the ads for this one seemed vaguely funny. Perhaps it's the aura of Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas that permeates the preview.

It had some good laughs, but alas, it just wasn't good as I hoped. Maybe it's that male nudity ran its course in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and the -multiple- instances is just too much. Maybe it's because of the rampant uncomfortable situations that leave me cringing. Or maybe it's because of stupid people acting stupidly.

The Hangover
2009, 100 minutes, directed by Todd Phillips

Drag Me to Hell

100% predictable

200% cheesy

3000% awesome

Drag Me to Hell
2009, 96 minutes (as a work in progress), directed by Sam Raimi