Rise of the Zombies

I really thought this made-for-tv zombie film was going somewhere.  There were lots of scientists, making real progress learning about the disease, and maybe they'd even explore bringing the zombies back from the dead.  Maybe they were even aiming for some sort of God-motive for retribution and salvation.

But no, they just wanted to kill off all those scientists, and leave the few survivors in limbo as the story ends with limited solutions to the apocalypse.  This wasn't worth staying awake to see the end.

Rise of the Zombies
2012, 89 minutes, directed by Nick Lyon

I missed the start of the film.  Maybe it was awesome.  What I saw was Danny Trejo, on the cover the DVD, die less than a minute after I turned this on.  I guess they couldn't afford him after that.

Machete Kills

Robert Rodriguez has a vison.  It's called Machete Kills Again... In Space! and it's the pre-announced title for the third film in this gritty Mexican action series.  At the end of the first film, Machete (Danny Trejo, in a role he's made for) has joined the U.S. ICE with partner Sartana (Jessica Alba).  At the start of the third film, Machete is tracking down the evil silver-masked villain on a space station.  To get from A to B, they had to make a film, and Machete Kills is the result.

To say it's a bridge film is an understatement.  It's a plot conveyance.  Masked assassins kill Sartana and steal a U.S. nuclear weapon.  POTUS (Carlos Estevez, yes that one) commissions Machete as the only person able to drop into Mexico and get it back.  But when things go awry, Machete is left with a captive with a deathwish and 48 hours to get back to the United States.

The cameos are one of the strong spots, with a role specially made for Cuba Gooding Jr., Lady Gaga, and Antonio Banderas (yes, all of them).  And I swear one of the guards at Mendez the Mad's compound looked like Bruce Campbell.  But overall, it's a bridge to a contrived story, one that Robert Rodriguez would much rather tell.

Machete Kills
2013, 107 minutes, directed by Robert Rodriguez

"Machete Happens"

Machete

"Machete don't text."

This isn't meant to be serious.  It isn't meant to be provocative.  It's meant to be kickass fun.  Danny Trejo is Machete, an ex-Federale who's been set up by a cartel of lowest scum on both sides of the border.  With the help of Michelle Rodriguez as Luz, leader of a immigrant network, and Jessica Alba as Sartana, a no-nonsense ICE agent, Machete is after justice and revenge.

Machete
2010, 105 minutes, directed by Ethan Maniquis and Robert Rodriguez

"I thought Machete don't text?"

"Machete improvises."