Machete

"Machete don't text."

This isn't meant to be serious.  It isn't meant to be provocative.  It's meant to be kickass fun.  Danny Trejo is Machete, an ex-Federale who's been set up by a cartel of lowest scum on both sides of the border.  With the help of Michelle Rodriguez as Luz, leader of a immigrant network, and Jessica Alba as Sartana, a no-nonsense ICE agent, Machete is after justice and revenge.

Machete
2010, 105 minutes, directed by Ethan Maniquis and Robert Rodriguez

"I thought Machete don't text?"

"Machete improvises."