Safe

I like Jason Statham movies.  Or, rather, I liked Jason Statham in a movie, when he wasn't in every one of them.  The enjoyment of his performance on screen was lessened when he was packaged into one of this generation's few action heroes.  (The generation gap between him and the rest of the Expendables cast always throws me.)  Still, films like Safe satisfy a need for mindless action.

Mei, a young math prodigy with a perfect memory, is brought to the U.S. to manage the numbers for a Chinese crime syndicate.  Meanwhile, Luke (Jason Statham) finds his wife murdered by the Russian mafia when he fails to throw a fight.  Rather than kill him, too, the Russians promise to kill anyone he approaches or talks to, leaving him a homeless outcast.  Just when he's had enough, Mei steps into his life.  The Russians tried to grab her, to get a code from her head, and now they, the Chinese, and the dirty cops Luke used to work with all want to get her back.  With nothing left to lose but her, he does everything he can to keep her safe.

Safe
2012, 94 minutes, directed by Boaz Yakin

Kill 'em All

This is insane.  After a brief exposition featuring a few world-class assassins, eight find themselves waking in a rusting, industrial wasteland.  Set to fight against each other by an unknown mastermind, of course those featured in the pre-show survive the early slaughter, team up, and set out to escape - or seek revenge.

Kill 'em All
2012, 86 minutes, directed by Raimund Huber

The Expendables 2

I was going to say something like, "This film would be okay if they'd just stick to the action scenes and stay away from the sappy dialog and contrived cameos."

But then I watched the closing fight, between Sylvester Stallone and Jean-Claude Van Damme.  It may be the worst choreographed man-on-man fight to the death I've ever watched.  Wow.  Even the awful denouement with more Chuck Norris, Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger didn't match the terribadness of that fight.

The Expendables 2
2012, 103 minutes, directed by Simon West

Rise of the Zombies

I really thought this made-for-tv zombie film was going somewhere.  There were lots of scientists, making real progress learning about the disease, and maybe they'd even explore bringing the zombies back from the dead.  Maybe they were even aiming for some sort of God-motive for retribution and salvation.

But no, they just wanted to kill off all those scientists, and leave the few survivors in limbo as the story ends with limited solutions to the apocalypse.  This wasn't worth staying awake to see the end.

Rise of the Zombies
2012, 89 minutes, directed by Nick Lyon

I missed the start of the film.  Maybe it was awesome.  What I saw was Danny Trejo, on the cover the DVD, die less than a minute after I turned this on.  I guess they couldn't afford him after that.

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

The anachronisms in this film are astounding.  They'd be okay if the plot wasn't trite, the characters shallow, or the dialog horrid.  Hansel and Gretel, having survived the witch house in their youth, grow up to the witch hunters for hire.  They're brought in to a small country town with a growing witch presence, where something terrible is on its way.  Only they have the guns and technologically advanced rapid-shot crossbows to stop it.

I'm struggling to say anything nice about the film.  Watching it via Netflix on my iPad while jogging at the gym was better than watching a basketball game on ESPN.  I guess it has that.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters
2013, 88 minutes, directed by Tommy Wirkola

An Adventure in Space and Time

This made-for-TV BBC movie dramatizes the William Hartnell era of Doctor Who, from the creation of the series through his departure, primarily from the point of view of Verity Lambert, the show's original producer, and from the good Doctor himself.  I found the series surprisingly well done; they went to good effort to recreate the early sets, costumes, and looks, now cheesingly-shot in glorious HD.  If anything distracted me, it was the appearance of Matt Smith in one scene, which was simultaneously an anachronism for the 1960s and dating what would otherwise be a "timeless" story to the 2010s.  Obviously it's not interesting unless you're a fan of early Doctor Who, but if you are and want more meta in the stories, grab one of the many repeats and enjoy it.

An Adventure in Space and Time
2013, 90 minutes, directed by Terry McDonough