Transporter 2

I liked Jason Statham a lot in the first movie I saw him in - Snatch. I wish in subsequent films he hadn't been shaped into a cookie-cutter action hero. A least the first Transporter movie had the right mix of action and scenery to make a decent film. In this also-ran installment, the "special" effects are far less impressive.

The DVD commentary claims that all the driving shots are "real" plus added effects, but the end effect is low-grade CGI. At first the martial arts action scenes were the only respite from mediocrity, but even those fell into cliché. "Now let's see Statham take on a line of gooks with a pole. Now let's see it with a fire hose."

Transporter 2
2005, 87 minutes, directed by Louis Leterrier

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Captain Jack Sparrow. What a character. I saw this in the theater years ago - and what a refreshing surprise it was. Rather than watch it again on TV last night, we popped in the DVD at my in-laws house to avoid the commercial breaks.

The first movie is the best, before the story is bent, twisted, and complicated to extend the plot into a trilogy. This one is highly recommended.

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
2003, 143 minutes, directed by Gore Verbinski

The Golden Compass

Ugh. Regular movie theater - at a mall, even, just before Christmas. Obnoxious parking. Previews (yes, the previews) started 10 minutes after the published start time - the movie was 20 minutes late. At least the place is mostly empty, since the film has been out for weeks.

The Golden Compass is supposed to be the atheists' answer to The Chronicles of Narnia, or something like that. Whatever. I don't care for the controversy either way. In this latest film, my biggest complaint was the inability to pick an audience. Half the film sounded overtly condescending, like I was being lectured at. The other half was adult-oriented violence. I couldn't tell if this was intended for kids or not. The plot lines are very formulaic ("prophecy of the witches" and whatnot), and little to nothing unexpected occurred. I suppose I'll keep watching the series - in the same way I'll probably keep watching the Narnia movies - just to keep occupied until the major studios find something worthy of replacing the gap caused by the end of the Lord of the Rings cycle.

The Golden Compass
2007, 113 minutes, directed by Chris Weitz

I created the "adventure" tag for this movie, then discovered that I couldn't go back and apply it to any earlier posts. While some of those movies, like Sunshine, for example, might be describing a part of an adventure, it just didn't have the scope of travel, or of vast locales, that I need to use the term. I'd make the label "epic adventure" but then I couldn't apply it to The Golden Compass, either.

I Am Legend

This was my first experience at the new Alamo Drafthouse at the Ritz. I attended the Last Night at the Alamo in my pre-blog days (and have three original Alamo seats - fourth row, just left of center - to prove it). But I was a bit miffed by how the Heroes of the Alamo Foundation was handled during the transition, and the tickets for the opening night gala at the Ritz went on sale while I was in Japan.

Buttnumbathon submissions were also while I was in Japan, and the weekend before last I was unsuccessful in winning a standby seat. (The number after mine was called, grr.) So here I am, finally, to see a first-run film that sounded right up my genre.

Overall, this was a good film, I guess. I think the director wanted to say something epic, but the script he had to work with was the zombified corpse of the 28 Days Later script. Years ago, Independence Day was new, exciting, epic. I felt this could have been the same thing, but the script just didn't support it.

And don't let me start on the on-again off-again pseudo intelligence in the antagonist.

I Am Legend
2007, 101 minutes, directed by Francis Lawrence

Eraserhead

What. The. Hell. did I just watch? I'm nearly speechless. The film is industrial, gritty, disgusting. There's little dialog; just enough to keep us from getting lost. This is one of the weirdest things I've ever seen. Don't eat while watching this.

The other reviews I've just read say to think of this not as a film, but as a work of art. Perhaps, if you consider embalmed calves to be works of art...

Eraserhead
1977, 108 minutes (in the DVD version), directed by David Lynch

The Mist

I like bad movies. Maybe I haven't made that clear enough. However, I can't tolerate stupid people. Unfortunately my experience with this movie was a conglomeration of stupidity.

The Wednesday before Thansgiving means my wife cooking all day with her mother. While I greatly enjoy cooking, there's no room for me. So I decided to catch a movie, and picked a new horror release at a theater here in the DFW area that I've heard good things about. In Austin we have the original, hip Alamo Drafthouse. Colleyville, Texas, has the Metro Theater. It's a movie-and-dinner place as well, but the process is a bit different, and ultimately disappointing.

The previews had already started when I arrived, so I slipped in a got a nice, comfy leather swivel chair seat. After a few minutes I slipped back to use the restroom before the film started. On my way back in, I asked one of the three servers standing at the door for a menu, which they retrieved. After picking a tasty entree, I use the little pager button on the table to call a server... and no one comes. I try again, and again. Then I try the one down the table near the next party. This one I clearly see blinks when pressed, so maybe mine didn't work. Still... nothing. Ok, so I guess I just won't eat. The people next to me were served almost as soon as I sat down, so there's no expectation a waiter is going to come by at all.

Actually, a while later, a waiter does come by to ask the group next to us if they need anything else. (More on my neighbors later.) The server casually mentions that the pagers don't work, so they'll be by the door if needed. Gee, thanks for telling me that when I came in, or after I sat down when the previews were still running, or when I asked for a menu, or any later time when you could have walked past to check on me or anyone else. The employees are probably just high school kids, but they could have done with half as many kids with twice as much customer sense, and they'd have better service. Decisions to hire like that come down from management, so that's where I place the blame. And, just FYI to the owners, try little pieces of paper that we customers can write our orders on and stick up on a little clip for a water to see. They work great at the Alamo Drafthouse you're trying in vain to copy.

So, yes, the movie. Like I said, stupid people make me angry. Now for a horror film, I don't expect everyone to be a stoic action hero. People are going to stand and scream just before they are devoured. But completely ignoring the supernatural, the script just has a large group of seemingly "intelligent" people make stupid mistake after stupid mistake. Here are a few I noted while I watched:

• Don't just use the duct tape to delicately tape the one broken window along the cracks. How about hatch taping /all/ the windows, so they won't shatter when broken? This would have helped later when the massive insect gets in, wouldn't it?
• If you see someone lighting a mop on fire inside a building (a building in which you are trapped), somehow that will need to be extinguished. Why don't you starting looking for the fire extinguisher right away, instead of waiting for someone to set themselves on fire?
• Hey - best idea yet. Instead of huddling in the big room, why not use the bathroom or locker room? Both are smaller, with no windows and a readily defendable door. At least when the insects and flying reptiles are storming in, why wasn't there a plan to get the kids back to safety?
• Finally: "Even though our plans to get more gas failed, I'm not ready to give up yet. Let's wait and use the gun on my kid and friends as the last resort." Or not. Oops, I gave away the ending. Sorry.
  

Oh, and my neighboring movie watchers: Don't swish and shake the ice left in your drink glass. Don't eat the ice ("crunch, crunch"). Don't talk to each other. And definitely don't talk in a normal voice to the wait staff. Snoring is a no no, too.

One thing my neighbor did say: "I can't believe they paid somebody to film this." It's the only justifiable thing he said.

The Mist
2007, 127 minutes, directed by Frank Darabont

The Crow

I've never seen this movie before. I actively avoided watching it for years, mostly out of spite because I came up with the same character concept several years before the film - and no I'd never seen or heard of the comic books.

Edit: Ok, my wife tells me that we rented this eight or nine years ago, back when we lived in Knoxville, Tennessee. I really don't remember this; I must have blacked it out.

I hope it's not sacrilegious to say so, but I was really distracted by Brandon Lee's acting. His tone and voice just didn't match with the tone of the film. As a poignant tribute to Brandon Lee, great film. As a film in my favorite genre, I'd have to pass.

The Crow
1994, 117 minutes, directed by Alex Proyas